House Crisis: A Time Line

Warning:Contains a lot of references to bathroom functions and toilet water.

Saturday Morning
8:15 AM: I wake up from a deep sleep and rush to the bathroom. Notice a piece of paper on the toilet lid, wonder why it is there, brush it off in a hurry and pee.

8:20 AM: Jump back into bed very cold and ready for another hour of well deserved sleep.

8:21 AM: Mike asks me if I used the bathroom. I say, of course and cuddle up. He says didn't you see the sign. I say what sign- think of paper I tossed on the floor.

8:22 AM MIke informs me that at 2:00 AM I used the restroom (I still don't remember doing this) and when I returned he heard a gurgling noise, inspected the sound and noticed the toilet was overflowing. And rather than wake me, places a sign saying DO NOT USE on the toilet seat. (He was very smart not to wake me)

8:23 AM I rush out of bed go to the bathroom, notice water all over the floor, begin chanting Oh my God and am near tears.

8:27 AM Go back to the bedroom and ask MIke what we should do near hysterics while he is propted up in bed realizing he will not being getting back to sleep for a while. He then tells me he also noticed dirt in the shower stall last night.

8:28 AM Rush back to bathroom, see shower stall full of water. Am convinced a pipe burst while I was blissfully sleeping because we didn't let a faucet drip. Begin crying.

8:30 AM Mike steps in the door way of bathroom and comments it is gross I have my hand on the toilet seat and have touched my head in despair.

8:30.5 AM Yell at Mike and storm out of bathroom crying.

8:32 AM Cry and look for my realtor's number.

8:33 Call realtor luckily for her she is not home.

8:35 Cry

8:40 Root around in purse and find plumber's number.

8:41 Call plumber, get his answering machine.

8:42 Go outside notice water on the ground by the bathroom.

8:43 Fly into the house shouting that the pipe has burst.

8:45 Demand that Mike turn the water off to the house.

8:46 Mike turns off water with me close behind, weeping.


8:50 Now resigned that he will not be going back to sleep Mike apologizes for comment and turns on Battlestar Galatica DVD. He convinces me to watch through my tears.

9:00 Imagine plumber tearing up bathroom floor to fix burst pipe while Apollo shoots cylons.

9:30 Call plumber again, he answers and says "Oh that sounds bad" after I tell him about water shooting into the shower. No I never saw water actually "shoot" into the shower but I imagined it.

9:45 Plumber comes, MIke explains the gurgling sound.

9:50 Plumber snakes line. Water does not shoot out of the toilet.

10:05 I give plumber check for a shit load of money. Line is cleaned out from possible years of build up. We blame the former owner or a squirrel.

10:06 Plumber leaves. MIke calls me toilet head or TH for the next 3 days.
I hope that tax breakis worth it all.